VOW!! WOW!!!

VOW!! WOW!!!

                                    By Advocate Aileen Marques

“I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a church filled with flowers and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for; he said one that would make me his wife”… Anonymous

This quote encapsulates my thoughts on the wedding. Vows are the most important aspect of weddings. Vows or vachan are integral part of most wedding customs, rituals and ceremonies. In India, we have different marriage laws formulated as per the religion and known as personal laws like the Hindu Marriage Act, Muslim Marriage Act, Parsi Marriage Act, Christian Marriage Act and we have a secular law which is the Special Marriage Act, the marriage under which is commonly known as court marriage. My first part on wedding ceremonies will highlight the Christian marriage, others will follow suit.

Christian Marriage:

Church Marriages are also Civil or Court marriages in so far as the couple signs the Civil Register and the Church Register in the Church. The marriage is performed under section 5(1) and registered under section 30 of the Indian Christian Marriage Act of 1872. There is therefore no need to have a separate “Court Marriage” for legal purposes.

As per the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) and as per the Indian Christian Marriage act, consent of the parties is indispensable and in the absence of a valid consent there is no marriage. The consent must be an act of the will of the man and the woman, free of coercion or fear.

The nuptial rite is practically where the wedding happens. There is an expression of consent where the man and the woman say they have come freely to give themselves to each other in marriage. Then the act of taking each other as husband and wife where they say "I take you to be my wife" - "I take you to be my husband." And then the exchange of rings takes place. At the end of this rite, the couple is declared to be married.

It’s strange how such a meaningful and integral part of the wedding is often forgotten during the year long preparations that couples undertake as soon as the wedding date is decided.

I know of couples who planned the most elaborate and expensive wedding receptions but forgot to remember the wedding vows. These vows are most often whispered by the priest and repeated by the bride and the groom. I am amazed how the-answer-to-the-toast is learned by heart or by rote but the words for the exchange of vows have to be prompted to the couple.

When you as a bride or a groom prepare for your marriage take time to read and understand the vows. They are simple and meaningful. On your wedding day, hold your partner’s hand and look into his/her eyes and smile and say your vows. This experience is divine and delightful. Rather than looking at the priest to repeat what he is saying, look at your bride/groom and say in the presence of the church, those amazing words that will make you man and wife.

It is your nuptial that is important. The reception is just a celebration of all that took place at the nuptial. Sadly we give all the importance to the reception and material preparations, spiritual preparations take a back seat.

In conclusion, some aspects of Christian Marriage are:

1.      The parties to the marriage must be Christian or at least one of them must be a Christian.

2.      The age of the man intending to be married shall not be under twenty-one years, and the age of the woman intending to be married shall not be under eighteen years;

3.      Neither of the persons intending to be married shall have a wife or husband still living;

4.      Every marriage under this Act shall be solemnized between the hours of six in the morning and seven in the evening.

5.      Notice of intended marriage under the law must be given.

6.      The marriage is solemnized by a Minister of Religion licensed to solemnize marriages under this Act.

7.      The presence of at least two credible witnesses during the ceremonies is essential. These witnesses should be adults of sound mind. They should not be immediate family members of the bride or the groom.

8.      The Certificate issued by the Church is equivalent to the Certificate of civil marriage with a stamp from the Bishop’s house and the attestation at Mantralaya.

9.      If you are married in the Church, there is no need to get your marriage registered. Your marriage is already registered from the moment you signed the registers.

10.  Marriage preparation is an important aspect, whereby the instructions for marriage are given, the consent aspect is looked into, the process of notice of marriage is initiated and the understanding of the legal, moral and ethical aspects of marriage is given.  

To be continued….