Pathetic service at Hotel Mango2, Sawantwadi

We walked into the Hotel Mango-2 Restuarant at 9pm today. The order for manchaow soup got placed at 9.10pm and was served at 9.20 pm. When we asked when the order for food would be taken, the waiter told us that it would taken immediately but the food will take half an hour to be served. We waited till 9.50pm but no order for food was taken inspite of repeated reminders. When I complained to Manager at 9.55pm, I was informed "what can we do we have a crowd". The lady manager was so rude, she said if you want to eat here, you have to wait. When asked how much time, she said I dont know. When I looked around the restuarant only half of the tables were occupied and yet after an hour of wait we had to hunt another place for dinner. A very bad experience at Hotel Mango2. 

Shaadi ki Viddhi!!!!

Shaadi ki Viddhi!!!!

                                      - by Advocate Aileen S. Marques

The Hindu Marriage Act 1955 is the law that governs the marriage between two persons who are Hindus. 

According to the law i.e. the Hindu Marriage Act (HMA), a marriage between any two Hindus can be solemnized if the conditions laid in Section 5 of the act are fulfilled. These conditions are:

1. None of the spouses intending marriage should have a spouse living at the time of marriage.

2. At the time of marriage, the parties to marriage must:

         (i) be capable of giving a valid consent;

         (ii) not be of unsound mind;

         (iii) not suffer from mental disorder or be unfit for marriage and procreation of children;

         (iv) not have recurring attacks of insanity or epilepsy.

3. The bride should have completed the age of 18 years and the groom should have completed the age of 21 years.

4. Not be within the degrees of prohibited relationship unless the custom or usage permits.

5. Not be sapindas of each other unless the custom or usage permits.

Now the question that may come to our mind is who is a Hindu. A Hindu is a person who is Hindu by religion in any of its form including Virashaiva, a Lingayat or a follower of the Brahmo, Prathana or Arya Samaj. It includes a person who is a Buddhist, Jain or Sikh by religion. It is pertinent to note that any person who is not a Muslim, Christian, Parsi or a Jew by religion is deemed to be a Hindu unless proved otherwise by him.

This definition clearly states that a Christian or a Parsi or a Muslim cannot marry a Hindu under the HMA. In the same way two persons who are Christians cannot marry under the HMA, similarly two persons who are Muslims or Parsis cannot marry under the HMA.

In a case I dealt with a Hindu girl was married to a Muslim man under the HMA. The wedding ceremony was conducted by a Hindu priest. When this couple wanted to file for a divorce, a scrutiny of the marriage certificate revealed that this marriage was void i.e. this marriage is invalid in the eyes of law which means no marriage took place and so the children if any will be termed illegitimate.

When a boy and a girl intend to marry each other it is generally safe to marry under the Special Marriage Act i.e. to have a Court Marriage. Please read the forms you sign when you are signing the notice for marriage and other documents. Be alert otherwise you will be shocked to know later in life that your marriage is void by law. 

Another interesting case was where a Christian boy was married to a Muslim girl under the HMA. Such marriages are void.

The ceremonies of Hindu Marriage are undertaken in accordance to the customary rites and ceremonies of either of the parties. A Buddhist marriage has customs that are different from a Arya Samaj Marriage. If saptapadi (saath pheras) are part of the rites and ceremonies then the marriage becomes complete and binding when the 7th step is taken jointly by the bride and the groom before the sacred fire.

Hindu marriages are required to be registered. Once the Hindu marriage is performed as per the ceremonies and customary rites, the priest performing the marriage gives the couple a slip of paper that mentions the details of the marriage. The HMA prescribes for registration of marriages in the interest of the parties to a marriage. The certificate got after the registration of marriage is now a valid certificate and is a document that proves marriage. 

In conclusion, if a couple intends to be married under the Hindu law, the non-Hindu partner must convert to Hinduism. Otherwise the couple can choose to be married under the Special Marriage Act. If you remember my post on VoW WoW!!!, it specifically mentions that if a Hindu intends to marry a Christian, then the marriage can happen under the Christian Marriage Act, where bv the Hindu continues to be a Hindu and a Christian continues to be a Christian.

All marriages under the HMA must be registered. Valid consent is an important aspect of Hindu marriage and marriage between certain relationships is prohibited.

Hindu marriage rituals are very elaborate and the role of the priest, the bride, the groom and their parents is essential. However these ceremonies differ depending on the region and other aspects of faith. 

Ensure that your marriages will be a valid marriage according to the law. Stay alert and be informed... marriage is a life changing decision.

                                                                                                                        To be continued...

VOW!! WOW!!!

VOW!! WOW!!!

                                    By Advocate Aileen Marques

“I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a church filled with flowers and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for; he said one that would make me his wife”… Anonymous

This quote encapsulates my thoughts on the wedding. Vows are the most important aspect of weddings. Vows or vachan are integral part of most wedding customs, rituals and ceremonies. In India, we have different marriage laws formulated as per the religion and known as personal laws like the Hindu Marriage Act, Muslim Marriage Act, Parsi Marriage Act, Christian Marriage Act and we have a secular law which is the Special Marriage Act, the marriage under which is commonly known as court marriage. My first part on wedding ceremonies will highlight the Christian marriage, others will follow suit.

Christian Marriage:

Church Marriages are also Civil or Court marriages in so far as the couple signs the Civil Register and the Church Register in the Church. The marriage is performed under section 5(1) and registered under section 30 of the Indian Christian Marriage Act of 1872. There is therefore no need to have a separate “Court Marriage” for legal purposes.

As per the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) and as per the Indian Christian Marriage act, consent of the parties is indispensable and in the absence of a valid consent there is no marriage. The consent must be an act of the will of the man and the woman, free of coercion or fear.

The nuptial rite is practically where the wedding happens. There is an expression of consent where the man and the woman say they have come freely to give themselves to each other in marriage. Then the act of taking each other as husband and wife where they say "I take you to be my wife" - "I take you to be my husband." And then the exchange of rings takes place. At the end of this rite, the couple is declared to be married.

It’s strange how such a meaningful and integral part of the wedding is often forgotten during the year long preparations that couples undertake as soon as the wedding date is decided.

I know of couples who planned the most elaborate and expensive wedding receptions but forgot to remember the wedding vows. These vows are most often whispered by the priest and repeated by the bride and the groom. I am amazed how the-answer-to-the-toast is learned by heart or by rote but the words for the exchange of vows have to be prompted to the couple.

When you as a bride or a groom prepare for your marriage take time to read and understand the vows. They are simple and meaningful. On your wedding day, hold your partner’s hand and look into his/her eyes and smile and say your vows. This experience is divine and delightful. Rather than looking at the priest to repeat what he is saying, look at your bride/groom and say in the presence of the church, those amazing words that will make you man and wife.

It is your nuptial that is important. The reception is just a celebration of all that took place at the nuptial. Sadly we give all the importance to the reception and material preparations, spiritual preparations take a back seat.

In conclusion, some aspects of Christian Marriage are:

1.      The parties to the marriage must be Christian or at least one of them must be a Christian.

2.      The age of the man intending to be married shall not be under twenty-one years, and the age of the woman intending to be married shall not be under eighteen years;

3.      Neither of the persons intending to be married shall have a wife or husband still living;

4.      Every marriage under this Act shall be solemnized between the hours of six in the morning and seven in the evening.

5.      Notice of intended marriage under the law must be given.

6.      The marriage is solemnized by a Minister of Religion licensed to solemnize marriages under this Act.

7.      The presence of at least two credible witnesses during the ceremonies is essential. These witnesses should be adults of sound mind. They should not be immediate family members of the bride or the groom.

8.      The Certificate issued by the Church is equivalent to the Certificate of civil marriage with a stamp from the Bishop’s house and the attestation at Mantralaya.

9.      If you are married in the Church, there is no need to get your marriage registered. Your marriage is already registered from the moment you signed the registers.

10.  Marriage preparation is an important aspect, whereby the instructions for marriage are given, the consent aspect is looked into, the process of notice of marriage is initiated and the understanding of the legal, moral and ethical aspects of marriage is given.  

To be continued….

TO-GET-HER

TO-GET-HER

By Advocate Aileen S. Marques

“If you would marry suitably, marry your equal”… Anonymous.

Coming together is the first step to a marriage. Finding that one person, who you want to grow old with, can be quite a challenge. Thanks to social media- facebook, twitter, whatsapp… the challenge is a bit simplified.

We live in an age where many women are educated, employed and are financially independent. And yet when it is the time for look for a suitable groom or to meet the suitable groom, she is cowed down to behave like a shy, tamed female.

For marriage, coming together happens in various ways;

1. Falling in love (school, college, workplace, church, socials)
2. Arrangements made/ proposals bought (by friends, relatives, neighbours, matchmakers)
3. Self-search for a partner (shaadi.com, matrimonial ads etc.)

It is difficult to zero in on one and say “this will make a perfect or successful marriage”. As a lawyer, if I have to recommend one of these ways to find a partner, I’d say whichever way you employ to find a partner, make an informed decision.

A person may appear to be your “perfect match” on a social networking site but be alert, it may be a façade and in real life the person may not be anything similar.

You may be in love with a person and may have courted him/her for years at end but it is when you start living under the same roof that adjustment problems crop up. So it is important to know the person and see the person through all circumstances. Finally when you marry, it’s not just the 2 hours in a day that you two will spend together, but it is 24x7.

If you opt for a proposal marriage, quite many facts about the person are known when biodatas are exchanged. Wait!! Don’t hurry. Know the person.

Knowing the person is the key to a successful relationship- be it friendship or marriage. Get to know the person, their likes, dislikes, their dreams, their talents, their successes, their weakness, their shortcomings etc. etc. Get to know the qualifications of the person, browse through their place of employment, critically evaluate their facebook profiles, understand the types of friends they have. Know and learn!! That is your responsibility.

Once you have known the person, the next step in knowing the family. Understand the dynamics of the relationship in the family. Analyze who is the boss and who takes decisions. Observe who controls your spouse and if that control is positive.

In many cases of domestic violence and divorce, the husband or the wife do not come alone to seek advice. They are accompanied by their families. Even when we see the court scenario, the couple seeking divorce is accompanied generally by some member of the family. This goes to show that the family plays a vital role in strengthening/ breaking marital relationships.

There have been many cases where the qualifications, family background, income, assets, liabilities etc are misrepresented. Still many cases where homosexual persons are misrepresented as heterosexuals. Many more cases come to light where the boy/girl cannot take independent decisions and depend on their family to even decide small petty things.

“Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one” adorns many-a wedding invitation and it is when you come together that you must discern if this soul shares a single thought with your soul and if this heart is eligible to beat as one with your heart.

To-get-her/him is an important step in a marriage and when you search for him/her search for your equal. Don’t look for someone who is wealthy and aspire to get rich by his/her wealth. Don’t look for a girl whose father promises a crorepati dowry. Don’t look for a spouse who can fulfill your material desires. Don’t seek a perfect partner. Don’t marry for beauty, it will fade away. Don’t marry for lust, it is short-lived. Don’t marry because you are forced to marry, it’s not a marriage then.. it is slavery. Don’t marry because your parents say marry, it is forced consent. Don’t marry because it’s a social norm to be married, you might find it suffocating.

Marry because you want to be married. Choose to marry and don’t get carried away. Marry the one who loves you, respects you and is open to share life and responsibility with you. Marry the one who you love, respect and want to share life with. Marry suitably by marrying your equal!!

Up the aisle and then to file....

As an advocate practicing in the Courts in Mumbai over the past so many years, there is one aspect of human relationships that strikes me the most.The aspect of knot and unknot is what I am talking about here.

Till some time ago... many youngsters I met during workshops would say they would get married in Bandra Court if their parents didnt agree. And I would get back and say but weddings do not happen in Bandra Court, they happen at the Office of the Sub-Registrar situated in the Mhada office in Bandra. This was a new learning for many, who have been mobbed by lawyers outside Bandra court.

Ofcourse now the office is shifted to Khar!!

Few steps away from the Mhada office is the family court, where on an average 60-70 cases are on the causelists of each of the 7 courts. Most of them for divorce.

Many of the couples are young; married for about 2-4 years and now seeking a divorce. 

There are couples who courted/dated and then married and then there are those who had a phat mangni and phat shaadi.

Incompatibility, temperamental issues, finances, cultural differences, violence etc are some of the issues that people mention as reasons for divorce. 

I sit back and often wonder if, when people hurry into a marriage for various reasons, are they even aware that divorce will be a long drawn battle?  Guess most of the time its inauspicious of think about divorce at the time of marriage... 

I am of the opinion that if some time is taken to know, understand and inquire about the person, the family, the educational and professional background and finances, the cases of divorces may reduce. An informed decision is what I highly recommend.

A marriage is a life time decision. For the woman she lets go of her old identity and adopts a new one. From name to a house and then a home... its all new. With empowerment has come the funda of adding your husband's surname after your maiden surname. Doesn't this lead to a new identity in itself? Isnt it a facade??

For men, it is the addition to his family, another woman to care for him, another mouth to feed etc etc...

Wedding are expensive these days -more with a theme wedding and a destination wedding.Wedding is that one day of bliss and joy which should pave the way for a happy married life. However the couple is bogged down with the anxiety of wedding planning, expenses and customs and marriage takes a backseat while the wedding becomes the focus. And that's where I see the problem. Instead of focusing on the wedding day, I think couples should focus on the days, months and years that follow the wedding day. They should talk and share about the married life they intend to have, the responsibilities that they are willing to share and adjustments that they are willing to make. Communication and personal sharing is the key here. I see this a major issue among young couples these days.  It is all taken for granted.

Up the aisle and then soon to file is a difficult situation. The law has its parameters so you cant hurry with a divorce. The wedding loans are still being paid and now a new expense for divorce. Knots have to be unknotted and it takes an emotional toll on the couple and their family, leave alone the time spent in court rooms and court corridors and at the lawyer's office.

So make an informed decision about your choice of partner. Take time to interact with each other and communicate your fears, anxieties and dreams. 

Do not hurry into a marriage...hurry can be a disadvantage. 

For a change I decided to google- Aileen Marques and see what I found!!!!!

For a change I decided to google- Aileen Marques and see what I found!!!!!


http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/nagpur/Gender-sensitization-needed-at-school-level-to-prevent-abuse-say-experts/articleshow/9917747.cms

http://www.lawyerscollective.org/files/LCWRI%20INHERITANCE%20REPORT.pdf

http://www.nagpursahodayaschoolscomplex.com/activity.htm

http://www.nagpursahodayaschoolscomplex.com/images/welcom_of_Mrs._Ailen_Marq.jpg

http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-features/tp-sundaymagazine/why-suffer-in-silence/article661732.ece

Edufest 2014- Udaan Nari Shakti Ki!

Being part of the panel at  Edufest 2014- Udaan Nari Shakti Ki! was inspiring. Sharing the stage with experts from different fields was an honour, What was encouraging was the interaction with the participants.

As a socially conscious lawyer, I strive to take law to the people. Ignorance of Law is no excuse and so one must be aware of the laws and the rights that enfold. Awareness brings assertion.

Simplifying legal notions to bring about an understanding in the minds of the young ones is satisfying. The young ones are the future, they are our tomorrow. They must realise that a better world is possible.

P.S. The picture is from the Udaan- Facebook page.